My time in Jacobs Bay is, to say the least, an amazing experience. The original idea was 4 – 6 weeks and when I arrived it was 4 weeks. But the scope of everything is much larger than originally anticipated and so I will now be here for 6 weeks. I arrive back in Natal at the end of August, beginning September.
I arrived here, feeling shattered. I think the last experience I had was too overwhelming on so many levels and was quite literally the last straw of a series of experiences over 5 years. My soul was tired, my body gasping for breath, my head and heart a mess. I have no desire to unpack it, these statements are merely here so that there is a context and mainly a reminder for myself.
The day I arrived, I was small, I described it later as the walking dead. My best angel friend was shocked and said as much 3 weeks later. She has always seen my magnificence and believed in me and told me the spark that was me was gone – I was flat lining, just going through the motions. Walking dead.
She gave me some grace, a day, to just feel my toes in the special space and place I call Angels Haven. I have always loved it and it had been so long since I had been in the light that I was afraid. Angels Haven always creates magic. Sometimes it’s difficult to swallow and sometimes the spirituality of it is so intense that I feel as though the intense lightness of being and authenticity that lives there is challenging and hard to bear. It’s a place where only the truth, irrespective of how painful, ugly or beautiful, can live. It remains as I found it to be years before when I had lived there for a short time and now almost a decade later, authenticity is a pre-requisite and anything less is still gently chased out the door in your own interests.
My angel friend gently shook me by the shoulders on the Sunday evening and told me the truth amongst other truths. “I don’t like what I am seeing, what happened to you? Why have you done this to yourself?” And so the journey began, the building of the bridge back to me.
She created a programme, a loving, gentle programme tailor-made for me in a way that allowed me to accept the love being offered, the constructive criticism, the pathway based on self-love. For the next two weeks, the sleeping giant in me started rousing and one morning I woke up and I felt that anything was possible again.
I cannot describe this all to you in words that truly reflect what has been going on. Words fail. Feelings unique only to me so how do I describe this crossing of the rubicon to you? I can’t. But I do wish for you that you could experience the same. I know that you would relish and bathe in the experience of ‘coming home’ to yourself, just like I have. I have a renewed passion for life again, an excitement about the possibilities, an openness to what is in the moment it is, a faith that extends beyond what I know into the possibilities and potential of all God is doing with me and my life, my purpose. My creativity is at an all time high in both practical and artistic endeavours and the beauty I see through my eyes is being translated into real terms, emotional terms, physical terms.
I am now 4 weeks into the ‘programme’. I am 7 kilograms lighter, my brain is sharp, I do my passion every day in office hours, I walk on the rocks, watch the ocean, see sunrise and sunset and celebrate life often, I play and laugh like I never have before. I love life. I love... no-thing thus everything.
I arrived here, feeling shattered. I think the last experience I had was too overwhelming on so many levels and was quite literally the last straw of a series of experiences over 5 years. My soul was tired, my body gasping for breath, my head and heart a mess. I have no desire to unpack it, these statements are merely here so that there is a context and mainly a reminder for myself.
The day I arrived, I was small, I described it later as the walking dead. My best angel friend was shocked and said as much 3 weeks later. She has always seen my magnificence and believed in me and told me the spark that was me was gone – I was flat lining, just going through the motions. Walking dead.
She gave me some grace, a day, to just feel my toes in the special space and place I call Angels Haven. I have always loved it and it had been so long since I had been in the light that I was afraid. Angels Haven always creates magic. Sometimes it’s difficult to swallow and sometimes the spirituality of it is so intense that I feel as though the intense lightness of being and authenticity that lives there is challenging and hard to bear. It’s a place where only the truth, irrespective of how painful, ugly or beautiful, can live. It remains as I found it to be years before when I had lived there for a short time and now almost a decade later, authenticity is a pre-requisite and anything less is still gently chased out the door in your own interests.
My angel friend gently shook me by the shoulders on the Sunday evening and told me the truth amongst other truths. “I don’t like what I am seeing, what happened to you? Why have you done this to yourself?” And so the journey began, the building of the bridge back to me.
She created a programme, a loving, gentle programme tailor-made for me in a way that allowed me to accept the love being offered, the constructive criticism, the pathway based on self-love. For the next two weeks, the sleeping giant in me started rousing and one morning I woke up and I felt that anything was possible again.
I cannot describe this all to you in words that truly reflect what has been going on. Words fail. Feelings unique only to me so how do I describe this crossing of the rubicon to you? I can’t. But I do wish for you that you could experience the same. I know that you would relish and bathe in the experience of ‘coming home’ to yourself, just like I have. I have a renewed passion for life again, an excitement about the possibilities, an openness to what is in the moment it is, a faith that extends beyond what I know into the possibilities and potential of all God is doing with me and my life, my purpose. My creativity is at an all time high in both practical and artistic endeavours and the beauty I see through my eyes is being translated into real terms, emotional terms, physical terms.
I am now 4 weeks into the ‘programme’. I am 7 kilograms lighter, my brain is sharp, I do my passion every day in office hours, I walk on the rocks, watch the ocean, see sunrise and sunset and celebrate life often, I play and laugh like I never have before. I love life. I love... no-thing thus everything.
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